News from Around the Water Cooler

After a really frightening couple of days, Mom came home from the hospital on Monday afternoon. The official diagnosis is COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), and she will probably be on oxygen and inhalers for quite a while, if not the rest of her life. That's actually the good news. Had she not been found, she wouldn't be with us today. The doctor said she was within hours of dying of Carbon Dioxide poisoning.

During the process of trying to regulate her CO2 and blood oxygen levels there were several complications to be dealt with. There were some issues with her creatnin and potassium rising to unsafe levels, which indicated that her kidneys weren't working at capacity. A common way to treat renal failure is to try and kick start the kidneys by administering large doses of fluids. Unfortunately, they couldn't DO that because Mom suffers from congestive heart failure, and her heart wouldn't have been able to stand the strain of trying to deal with the extra fluid build up. Through the use of steroids, diuretics, antibiotics, oxygen and a lot of prayer things finally started to stabilize.

There has been no permanent brain damage due to lack of blood oxygen, her heart is as good as it can be, her kidneys are functioning, and her COPD is undercontrol for the time being. She will, of course, continue to be monitored very closely for the next several months.

As is usually the case for me, once Mom was stable it was my turn to have a bit of a melt down; just a small one, but enough to remind me that my own healing and season of mourning isn't nearly as completeas I thought it was. Sitting in that hospital room hour after hour, staring at the monitors that were our only guides regarding her wellness, or lack thereof, was a trip down memory lane that I simply wasn't prepared to take yet.

But there really weren't many alternatives, you know? Sometimes things happen that are simply beyond our ability to change, and all we can do is hang on to our sanity, faith, whatever, and stay the course until the ride is over.

That's about where I am mentally right now; simply putting one foot in front of the other with few expectations for good or ill. I'm in self protective mode, and that means I've pretty much found my niche in silence and distance. Not a particularly healthy way to deal, but it feels like my only alternative at the moment.

The pain of losing Dad, the ache of recently losing someone very dear to my heart, the fear of losing Mom, my own health issues that still need to be resolved, my worries about my daughters, about my marriage, about money issues - all those things - they're just stuff I've got to slog through until healing and health return to my heart and body. But I'll get there. I refuse to believe otherwise.

I'll have a more Karen-like blog entry soon, I promise. But I did want to update you on what's been happening. Thanks for caring, my friends. I appreciate you.